The Craigslist cabinet
I know it’s somewhat cheating to cull material from Craigslist. It’s such a diverse, colorful and infinite store of both good and evil that my personal research could never match it. I’m going to do it, though, just this once, in relation to my recent search for a new home. I kept a record of the creepiest ads I found and here are two of the most intriguing.
For $550 (Bushwick, Brooklyn):
“I have beautiful loft, I use for teaching my Yoga like classes looking to share with some who teaches Dance, or Yoga Meditation, Healing massage therapy, music acting or Photography…
“We are approaching an era where many of us know that without Vision people perish, and you know this posting is slightly unusual. But I think there are many creative people out there friends we haven’t met yet. With great talents in many different areas who are willing to try different ways of thinking an operating and there by creating new Venues for creative Expressions.
“If you think you’re one of those people then respond accordingly and lets be productive . This is not just a New Year but a New Decade where a new You must emerge better than you were before, leaving behind the old ways of limited hurtful fearful ways of thinking, and Begin anew living by faith and not sight because you have an inner Vision and know that nothing is impossible. You owe it to yourself to live creatively and joy-filled, Remember No guts No Glory.”
For $700 (Soho, Manhattan):
“Ultra-modern, brand new, soho duplex with 2 large bedrooms upstairs, one available to rent. Fully furnished. Huge 20-foot floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Broadway. Huge living room, huge open-space eat-in kitchen. Upstairs: shower, toilet. Downstairs: whirlpool bath, toilet.
“It’s posted at 700 but the rent can be dramatically reduced for the right female looking to … entertain me. I am in my late 20’s and in good shape.
“YOU must be highly attractive. All I need is some company in my lonely life because of my hectic work schedule. Your rent will be reduced based upon how … happy you make me, although things won’t work out if there is no chemistry between us. You are welcome to have your own life and friends over etc and I will keep any arrangements secret. I am discreet.
“Look forward to your response. Pictures a must.”
I don’t know. Do you get this in London?
*All true of Craiglist except “discerning.” The definition, and the image, came from this blog.